I slept well last night. I woke up and cleaned the kitchen. And it was easy. It has been feeling nearly impossible to do it every day. I have been using all the energy I have to take care of my daughter, work and cope with the stress of my family situation. Today, I found energy for more.
As I drove to an appointment, I listened to a song about leaving. I felt happy and sad all at once. I felt cathartic and realized how far away from cathartic I have felt for so long. I don't expect the pain to be gone, but I am grateful to feel it mellow.
I felt comfortable like I had just had a hot bath or a massage. The morning sunlight on the changing leaves made everything so vibrant.
I showed a house that felt like the west coast to me. I knew suddenly that we could find a home we love out there. I felt closer to ready.
I thought about what makes me happy.
My husbands company, my daughter's laugh, sunshine in the mornings, good coffee, good music, fall, rain, cloudy days, fireplaces, space around me, the smell of cut vegetables, raw garlic, cooking, writing, trees, bon fires, friends, work that makes me happy, mild winter days, hoar frost, snow falling softly, art, the sky, a good book, laughter.
Can I find all of that out there? I think... absolutely.
And The Head and The Heart sings, "Been talking about the way things change. And my family lives in a different state. And if you don't know what to make of this, then we will not relate".
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