This World Was Made for Dreaming

The last few mornings I have been getting up before my daughter, pouring my coffee and sitting to enjoy the peace of early morning with the dog's head resting on my leg.  I have been listening on repeat to my favourite song these days.  It's called Morning Sun.  A few lines from it:  Honey, child, let me tell you now child.  That morning sun is here to greet us with a loving light so warm.  That morning sun is here to meet us.  Waiting on the waking up of everyone.  Let me tell you child, let me tell you honey child.  That morning sun has come to greet you.  She's peeking round the corner just waiting just to meet you.  Shining down on all your troubles.  Let me tell you child, let me tell you honey, child.  This world was made for dreaming.  This world was made for you.  This world made for believing in all the things you're gonna do.  Let me tell you, Child.

What I want most as a mother is to never forget that this world was made for dreaming.  That a child should wake up to this feeling and that it is my job to sing this right into her heart. 

These days, my life is splitting away.  Away from the comfort of what I know.  Even with all of the trouble, even with all of the pain, my mother was still comfort.  She is my mother.  I can't think of many more powerful words than 'mother'.  I am grieving for the loss of that comfort.  Grieving her losses as well.  It brings with it so many things that are so uncomfortable and feel so raw.  I want it back so badly.  

But then I sit in the morning and feel the peace of that morning sun coming up.  I feel the space around me, the space a friend described to me recently as a new thing she is seeing.  Despite all I am feeling, she sees a light in me.  She told me that it's like I'm dope sick.  That I'm feeling awful, but getting clean.  I now understand why people go back to things that are not good for them.  The good things have them believing so deeply in their heart that the bad parts are worth it, all for just a taste of the good.  

And so, that song just keeps playing and each morning I let myself hear it sung to me.  To the child I was.  I give that child a chance to just hear it and know.  That morning sun was for me too.  This world was made for dreaming, this world was made for me too.  

And then my daughter wakes, and in my heart, I have even more room to sing it to her.  And I know that she feels the sunshine of my love for her.  And I know that I can't go back.  No matter how badly I want those mornings with my own mother, all those ones that were good.