Back to the Drawing Board

As my window of contact free time gets smaller, the stress is coming back.  Last week, my friend (and bookkeeper) called and said that my dad had emailed her about the books on our shared property.  At the mention of him, my body went into fight or flight.  Instantly.  It was like someone injected something into my veins that ran instantly throughout my body.  Then she called again yesterday and told me that her staff had been talking with my mom and my mom told them that I don't talk to her anymore and hung up on them.  It put me right back into the headspace I was in last year.  Feeling trapped.  Knowing that she's not well.  Knowing it is all about to start again. 

It took me by storm yesterday.  Any hopes of re-building a relationship with good boundaries went out the window.  I began bracing myself for the stalking, the guilt, the shame, the anger, the pressure and the pain of it all again.  And I know I can't do it again.  I can't go through any more.  

Today I realized, it's done.  I can't have them back in my life.  She doesn't understand that it is inappropriate to dump details of our situation on people I have a business relationship with.  It's not appropriate to hang up on them, creating drama even without having direct contact with me.  I knew that even if I could discuss that with her, she would not acknowledge that it happened.  I can't do one more conversation like that.  Trying to fight for reality, never mind for what about that reality is destructive.

Moving has become much more appealing again.  I would be happy to move to a different home here, even if it doesn't solve the issue of worrying about running into her at the grocery store.  It would provide peace in our home and eliminate the stalking.  Moving further would be even better, but maybe harder in other ways.  Worth consideration though.  

I called an agent who may have clients looking for a lot like ours.  I put it out there.  I am asking for it to happen, if it is meant to.  

So, that is where I will leave it for now.